I have not been brave enough to share my experience.
I was married for almost two decades to a man involved in drugs, child pornography, criminal activity and emotionally/sexually abusing my children and myself. I was often yelled at, threatened, belittled for wanting to study and then told not to. He wouldn’t work much and I supported him. I was so blind to a lot of his behaviors and I was told in priesthood blessings to "stay as he will change."
He had spasmodic periods of being righteous and living the gospel, but all the while, secretly doing pornography and more. He was very intense and scary .
I was always of the mindset of protecting him and being the good wife. The worse he became, the more I repented and blamed myself. I almost committed suicide.
He told me how fat I was, how undeserving I am, how prideful and self-righteous I was.
My children and I finally had a person close to us help us get to the police to obtain a protective order. We were to scared to tell the police about his child pornography addiction, robberies, ect. This is typical of living with abuse. Mentally we all were fearful and unwell.
The worst? Several of our church leaders were involved in our litigation on behalf of our abuser. The day of the court hearing, myself and my child were placed in safe room while he had several of the church leaders with him. Not one came to check on us. One particular church leader said my ex was not able to pay bills and a caring person. He has received much of the support of church members and we've had very little. No one has even come to check on us! We are literally shunned.
I get an occasional text of activities and in the beginning a few texts from a leader asking how we are! I couldn’t reply to a text.
After the divorce, I actually found love. It is gossip around town that I was having an affair!
All of this really broke me . To the church, it feels like abused women are of no worth. Things have to change with the church. With the Joe Bishop scandal, protect LDS kids, and me too movement, the leaders are going to have to face this and stop pushing it aside.
I have mainstream mormon friends who call us all apostate for not going through the ‘right’ channels when we start protesting these injustices. It makes me frustrated, as they are not able to judge without going through this situation themselves. Many of us have tried to go through right channels. But if you tell them that, they then say that we have done all we can and it is now in the Lords hands and we should not pursue it anymore as we are tearing down the good name of the church and our leaders!
Thanks for letting me vent and share. Reading these posts have given me hope that I am not the only one.